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No One Goes To Heaven

by Left Behind

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1.
No one gets in No way to save yourself Sunken heads not even a shell No final resting place There’s work to be done I choose the pace Break you down no matter what Crowds of people push and shove The skies open up Raining hell from above All I saw were people without a face or name I screamed at god again and again I tried to tell you and no one listened It doesn’t matter, you’ll meet the end soon No one gets in Accepting fate Serving sin You see it now there can be no doubt The heads talk but no sound comes out No way to avoid this fate The line is long it’s worth the wait Just wait you’ll have your turn Feel one last final burn Screaming with nothing to say No one goes to Heaven anyway No matter how big the crowd Dying alone without a doubt Hope lives within some  Death brings the number to none Hell rains from above Hell rains from above An eternity of emptiness without a want or care You’ll find peace living in this despair I asked so many times for help from above I breathed it in now I can’t get enough No one goes to Heaven No one goes to Heaven
2.
Wooden seats and old men reading stories I can’t understand Sickness spreading, people coughing.  This place makes me anxious “Who needs to be saved and repent their sins” I don’t know what that is What did I do wrong?  Scared kids and old men playing God Live a life that’s good, and the next will be even better Live a life filled with sin and the burn will bless ya Heat so hot, your skin will peel nothing to feel The angels sing A thousand songs I can’t even recall  Who gets into Heaven? Who gets a pair of wings? My ears ring Reasoning gone, an eternity of empty nothing to feel I still don’t know if I was talking to God All I heard was please don’t go to Hell “I’m telling ya now son, if you fuck up this life there won’t be a next one” Fear of God Or cold steel bars Whatever it takes keep your ass in line Do you even care? Does none of this matter to you? This shit is serious and you need to listen These decisions feel like incisions Grinding my teeth How am I supposed to know who to believe? If god and the devil both fell silent What would you see the last time you close your eyelids
3.
Eternity goes on, I’m still your slave I’ve wasted it all, no life to save Cuts turned to scabs I watched them heal Rip them open again just to feel Praying for an answer, where were you? Never had a choice I never knew The wrong way up a one way street Fearing God just to live on your knees Wanting more never being complete The cries come and ignoring all pleas If you didn’t want it, you shouldn’t have asked. Your soul is mine, no strings attached You’re not in a cell but you’re not out of Hell It’s getting old You soul has sold Sometimes I miss the heat Sometimes I miss the pain Because then I knew I hadn’t buried anything Sometimes I miss the burn Sometimes I miss the hurt Because then I knew it couldn’t get any worse I felt the burn I peaked into hell Tried to get back with nothing to sell Heart no longer beats it’s turned to stone Skin turned to ash no longer burns No air was left I breathe in smoke The burns always smoke The smoke always rises So maybe something goes to heaven after all But I know it’s not me I know it’s not me No air was left I breathed in smoke I begged for a fix, just one more toke How much does a heart weigh Cause mine feels like stone How much can a man change For these sins I can’t atone Throwing stones to escape this pain I’ll never say your name in vain Throwing stones cause I can’t find a better way Throwing stones To break the glass so I can breathe  Throwing stones til I can’t lift them Throwing stones Cause my hearts granite Throwing stones
4.
Flickering light goes out, alone in the dark What more can I do? Nothing is ever new The lonely never leaves, this feeling haunting me I just feel trapped again, no one goes to Heaven. Trapped in darkness for years. No hopes to pray, only fears  Nothing changes I’m stuck playing a game that never ends. I can never win Flickering light goes out, alone in the dark What more can I do? Nothing is ever new Hearing familiar sounds, all I can do is shout. Lost never felt like home, no longer on my own. Tired of pleading for help rather do it alone If god came knocking no ones home. Mama I swear I tried, I lost too many bets I’m left screaming at God is it my turn to die yet? Leave me alone with my sins Because no one goes to Heaven None Goes to Heaven No one GOES I can’t hold myself up, So how can I help you? Broken legs will never bare weight So I brace for the fall Flickering light goes out alone in the dark What more can I do? Nothing is ever new The lonely never leaves this feeling haunting me I just feel trapped again I will never win What’s the point of helping me? I fall time and time and time again Will you listen this time? I’LL SLOW IT DOWN SO YOU CAN HEAR IT FALLING TIME AND TIME AND TIME AGAIN JUST TO NOT GO TO HEAVEN I’m Still playing this god damn game and I can never win it
5.
If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t change a thing, I’d still be scared as shit If I had control I wouldn’t live afraid Spending my life under a shadow of fear Fearing who I really am Why was I made this way How do I live Without the fear of ridicule I live under a shadow of it I didn’t want this, I couldn’t do shit Look me in my eyes you son of a bitch What do you want me to be I’ll melt myself down and fit into the mold Fearing who I really am Why can’t I move on? Why should I change the things that aren’t wrong? How do I live? In this constant worry That I’ll fall apart and everything crumbles again This shadow of fear consumes me I can’t stand this constant worry How do I free myself from the past I’d rather live life keeping it under wraps I wasn’t in control so I hope you’re proud I didn’t want help I couldn’t fucking get out How can I gain control? How do I save myself If I live like this I’ll never know peace Who do I lose? Who do I lose?
6.
How can I get any rest? Thinking about how it could change This weighs on my mind Staring at the sun until I go blind Why am I stuck like this There’s no way to come back I feel the same after years passed Hurt doesn’t end it’s all I am One word is all it takes For someone to decide if it’s time to leave If I just answered the call  I might not have to greave I know it’s wrong to have these thoughts It’s so fucking hard living with regret I never wanted it to amount to this A monument to a life of what ifs What could I change, what the fuck could I say? All the pain I wish I could take I just needed another day Do you know how that feels Staring at the knife Wishing I could take back a life Why the fuck does this deal have to be sealed Do you know how it feels Do you know how it feels I heard it over and over again that this was the last day A thousand things in my head that I never got the chance to say I’m not a man of god but I started to pray Just hoping in that place that she’s okay I try to get better But what can I really do I lost my mind losing you Now everything feels new The time takes its toll on me I don’t even know what to believe I know you didn’t want to be here You made that so clear I’d do anything to bring you back if I could All the tears and all the years believe me I would
7.
Time doesn’t wait, that’s something I have to face If I could go back just once, what would I change? Are my demons different than anyone’s? Or do I just focus on the pain? I grew up fast and I grew up mean Lists of things I wish I could unsee Do you know what that means? I wish I knew what my actions would bring Will confessing my sins mean anything? Will I ever hear the angels sing? I wish I knew The voice rings Don’t forget whsat you hold dear Ringing in my ears the angels sing * The bell rings Ringing in my ears I wish I’d listened So many times I didn’t pay any attention If you’re gone tomorrow who will miss you? I wish I knew Can you give me the answers I seek? Can you take me from this world that’s so bleak? Can you make this life not be so cold? Can I just skip the act of growing old? If I gave you a list could you check the box? Could you find the key to fit this lock? If I gave you a name could you find their soul? Could you help me change before I grow old? If I could cast a spell If I could take the trip back to hell Would it make any difference
8.
Smoke billowing from the ash, let me rebuild again One moment I’ve lost everything and the next I’ve lost myself with it Cant stop blacking out, wondering where my moments went 3 years later, a thousand times a day, I find myself consumed by it Smoke lingering, there was a burning here Hope concentrate, a false shell consumed with fear Time withering, how much is spent afraid of it Night consuming, can’t look back my visions blurred will ya tell me the reason for this new kind of pain season after season will you remember my name I get down on my knees and plead to be saved The hope burned with the heat and washed away with the rain All I Have is smoke Smoke and Pain Will you remember my name as my soul turns to smoke How many times can I regret everything that I’ve done Is there time to save myself, can I still learn from this Everyday, hundreds of times, it’s so much easier to quit. All the miles, and smoke from my tires, take myself away from here
9.
I can’t speak I can’t think Thoughts with no clarity to keep No more noise No one joins An illusion with my mind in a void No more breathing No more needing The want is gone and I don’t have any feeling The hand knocks Handles still hot A key that doesn’t fit any locks My mind tires of constant thoughts Falling prey to fear until I rot Give me a break and just let it all end This plague of mind won’t let the soul mend Will they even believe me Who carries the name when I’m the only son Can parts of a torn soul get into heaven The hurt leaves, all that’s left is the numb I’ve given it up the pain has won My hands have gone numb I can’t even feel them The feeling persists Something is missing Did I even try? I’m running out of time and I’m just scraping by Well has run dry I’m left alone No flesh no bone Try to scream, my mouth isn’t my own I hear the noise Flip of a coin Can I live or be stuck in the void Lungs heaving Tired of pleading Can’t even think my head is seething All I need anymore is the want Wanting it all but being destined to fall Ya gotta die sometime, times up kid An eternity passes in an instant Outside the body I’m not even in it I’m crumbling I can’t pass the blame My mind breaks and it’s skipping the frames
10.
The Mirror 02:31
Break my body down Pull Me into the ground I’m stuck in a cycle, praying I fuck up it all The things I put myself through makes my skin crawl Placing bets on how long I’ll stay And I always lose What’s the point, I can’t even keep Them from turning me loose What am I doing where has the time gone Can’t fall asleep til dawn Trapped in a dream and I can’t wake up All I want is a mouth that stays shut Put it all on my shoulders I’m overcome by the weight Break my body down I’m stuck in this cycle, praying the worst shit happens Days pass and I don’t know u where my brain has been Waking up and can’t look in the mirror When I look back all I see is failure Stones tumble to wear off the rough Just feel like I’ll never have enough Pieces break again and again Who really wins? Because it’s never me
11.
Driving through hills lit by moonlight I don’t have anything to numb my mind tonight Every day I wake up in this personal Hell Knowing damn well I built it for myself Putting myself through this everyday for something I can’t grasp Tell me what’s the point it it’s not gonna last? These burning thoughts will never pass Driving through hills with no headlights on Scared to be home so I just stay gone I had a goal years ago but can’t remember what that was This is my personal Hell no matter what anyone does A slice of hell for me to live in If everything gets better then tell me when I can’t even think of anywhere to go It’s become so hard to keep throwing this stone You wanted this, it’s all you’ve ever know  This mental prison is yours and you built it on your own I’ve trapped myself in this mental prison I can’t get out the fucking key is missing You said you wanted this and threw away every chance Does anyone even notice when you’re gone?
12.
I’ll go where all the bad things go to die The things trapped inside your head you’ll never say out loud How did it feel to never wake up? Torture I’m the anger that you bottle up When will it stop 3 years of torture Torturing myself No one cares Skip the fucking song No one wants to hear this This shit is ugly  This shit hurts And I’m ugly And I hurt I hurt all the time And now I just want it It’s like I’m chasing a low point where nothing matters.  Who is going to remember  Please just make it stop I’m ready, it’s my turn. Just let me fucking die I’ve had my time It’s the same shit every day for years I spend most of my time Wallowing Wondering Why I suffer for crimes that aren’t mine Heaven is empty and cold

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released November 15, 2019

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Left Behind Charleston, West Virginia

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